Tips For Joyful Parenting by Swami Tejomayananda

At some point in our lives, most of us have been or will be parents.

This is the most important job we will have and often we spend the least time preparing for it.  Being a parent
is not always easy. Raising a child, and guiding them on their life path to empower them to fulfill their own
potential is a subtle art, there can be many trials along the way. However, the rewards of successful parenting
are immeasurable, both to you and society. Over the years, many have approached Pujya Guruji Swami
Tejomayananda for advice on parenting. Here are some of his tips:

Set an example If we want our children to be nice, intelligent, well behaved, cultured and obedient, we will
have to start by developing the same qualities in ourselves. Often parents who want their children to be cultured
send them to our Bal Vihar cultural classes for children. The parents say, “You go to BV - we will watch TV!”
So they want culture only for their children, and not for themselves. There is the famous saying, ‘a family that
prays together stays together’. When parents and children share the same vision and values, they live together
harmoniously. Fulfilling your dreams through your children. There is generally a tendency in every human being
to impose his or her ideas on others.

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We think we know, we are right and therefore want to impose our ideas on the other person. Sometimes, if we
have failed to achieve something in our life, we want to experience and enjoy that achievement through our
children. We have to be very careful to see if we are trying to fulfill our selfish dreams and ambitions through
our children.

The problem is of ‘I-ness’ and ‘my-ness’ When you say ‘the children’, are you really worried about all children,
or only your children?  

If you think a little more deeply, you will find that all your worries are not because all children, in general, are
misbehaving. You are worried because your children are misbehaving. All this worry or anxiety is not for ‘the child’,
but actually for ‘my child’. So where does the problem lie?  Not in the child but in that possessiveness of ‘my-ness’.
Please be very careful because here we are thinking from the highest spiritual standpoint.

Take an interest in their interest Whenever we want another person to take an interest in what we are doing or
what we want them to do, we first have to take an interest in their interest. Try and understand what they think,
what they like and so on. Then slowly a rapport is built up.

Establish a rapport It is extremely important for parents to establish a rapport with their children. In their heart,
there has to be love and total confidence in you. They must be able to confide in you. When this kind of rapport is
built up, everything else becomes very easy. The child must have so much confidence in you that even if he were to
commit a serious crime he should be able to tell you that he has done so. Children should not want to or have to
hide anything from their parents. Read about why do we prostrate before parents and elder?

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‘When we try to analyze how to remold and recast our future, we see that it is certainly through the children of today who are going to be the leaders of tomorrow. We must supply them with a vision and teach them to have the courage and heroism to live up to their convictions.’ - Swami Chinmayananda.

Source: Article by Swami Tejomayananda